April 30th- The Miracle of a Hug

April 30, 2014

Have you ever felt so helpless that no matter how hard you try, nothing will ever feel good? Ya, that was definitely not the case for me today. I wish that last statement were true. I couldn't even get out of bed this morning for my favorite class. I just laid there. There was nothing I could do. I felt so hopeless.

The only thing I could get myself out of bed for was to go to the doctors for a follow up appointment. Is it so much to ask to want to feel better? I am sorry I am not too full of hope today. I wish I were.

The miracle of this day was the hug I got from my doctor. She told me how sorry she was that I was feeling crappy and promised that we would get this figured out. I sure hope she keeps her promise. What a miracle!

April 29th- The Miracle of a Memory

April 29, 2014

Today is a strange day. My roommate is getting kicked out of school because she broke rules. I feel very bad for her. I wish there was something I could do. The real problem is though... there is no remorse. Usually when people do things wrong, they feel sorry. This just isn't the case in this instance. That is the saddest part. Granted, I know how easy it is to feel so much remorse that you beat yourself up all the time.

I realized today, just how much I love and care about my family. I think about them so much and find myself with bruised and callused knees from praying for them so much. Tonight before I headed off to bed, I got the sudden urge to pray for my brother. I have been very worried about him lately but tonight I felt like it was vital for me to ask for some divine inspiration.

What I have noticed in my life has been, the way I usually receive answers from God has been through feelings of peace or memories of peaceful and pleasant things. Tonight I received just that feeling. I was reminded of a time while I was at home not too long ago. I was given an amazing opportunity that I had quite literally prayed for since I joined the church. I was asked by one of my siblings to teach them about the Mormon Church. It was something I had honestly dreamed about for quite some time. The Mormon Church teaches that when people are married in the temple, it is sealed by God. Not just for this life, but for eternity. The idea that my family has the opportunity to live together forever is something that I want so bad. I can't imagine heaven really being heaven without my mom, dad and all my siblings.

I was able to teach just that lesson to them that night. Memories of that night flooded my mind as I prayed for my brother and I remembered the peace I felt. They might not follow or accept it now but I know that they will someday. I will never give up on any one of them because the Lord has yet to give up on me. What a miracle!

April 28th- The Miracle of Being Humbled

April 28, 2014

At any job you have, there is always that one person you dread working with. I know you are thinking of someone right now. Being completely honest, as dreadful as it sounds, there is a client I hate working with. They scratch and grab and it sucks.

Today, I was scheduled with just this client. Sadly enough, I actually was disappointed to have to work with them. HOWEVER!!! I was humbled today. Thank goodness I was cause I obviously needed it.

We had to spend 2 hours in the community today and work on goals. Today, the weather was bipolar (welcome to Rexburg) so it was sunny one minute then hailing the next. This client has to use a wheelchair. So I decided that for one of our hours we would walk around the temple! As we walked around, I noticed they got excited when we would go down hill. Using this to my advantage, I created a "racetrack" for us. Before we knew it we were racing the wind as we ran around the temple grounds. We went over bumps and even "two wheeled" it a couple times on our turns. I was just trying to have fun. Turns out, they was having the time of their life. We were smiling and even laughing! What a miracle!

April 27th- The Miracle of Broken Ice

April 27, 2014

Today I had no idea how much my life would change. I was called to serve in the Relief Society Presidency. The Relief Society is the women's organization of the Mormon Church. It is awesome. It is also a very daunting task when you are asked to help all these women with whatever they need and then some.

With this on my mind, I felt a bit overwhelmed as I went to Church today. I have served in the presidency before. For some odd reason though, I felt the weight of this calling immediately. But a miracle happened! Amidst my fears, I went to Relief Society and met more of the women. As part of the lesson we went around and asked a random question to as many women as we could. Turns out, these women are not only awesome, they are funny as well.

There is something about making people laugh that calms me. I think it is something I got from my dad. He was really the funniest guy I knew. Aside from Shane... and Travis... and Kerri... and surprisingly Trever. (That's all my siblings- They are actually REALLY funny when you get them one on one. Especially Trever. He is a closet comedian.)

Anyway, the fact that I was able to joke around with these lovely ladies calmed me a bit. What a miracle!

April 26th- The Miracle of a Reprieve

April 26, 2014

Today as I headed to work, there were no tears. I came to work and didn't have a moment to sit down once. I have been exhausted all day. Do you ever have those days where you walk around and feel like you have weights on your legs? Yep. That was today. All day.

My miracle today though is that even though I was scheduled to work from open to close, my coworker told me that I could go home early and he would close for me. Honestly, I need the money, but I cant even think about focusing right now. Sometimes the Lord knows just how to give me tender mercies. I feel so blessed. It's the little things really. What a miracle!



Also, this is one of my favorite books. The end.

April 25th- The Miracle of Safety

April 25, 2014

Today was another rough day. I think I opened the floodgates with the whole "feeling" thing. I was driving to work this morning and I had somewhat of a panic attack. My mind was racing and I was thinking of all the things that were or could go wrong in my life. I couldn't stop crying. I know lots of people say that they don't cry, but I really don't cry. Yesterday when I actually started feeling something was the first time I had cried in a REALLY long time.

I drove down the highway to work and I just couldn't stop. I didn't know how. The tears just kept coming and I didn't understand why. My miracle today is that I made it to work safely. Even though I could barely see through tear filled eyes, I was able to make it. What a miracle!

April 24th-The Miracle of Feeling

April 24, 2014

I was having a REALLY hard day today. I mean, really hard. Let me explain.... too long. Let me sum up! It started off with a terrible headache that lasted ALL day and still has yet to go away. Then I had to dance. Which is usually a fun thing for me. Today it was dreadful. All my turns were off. My kicks were heinous.

Then I went to class and my teacher basically told me that my dreams were unattainable because I wasn't a talented enough dancer. I left that class feeling crushed. It was all I could do to keep it together and it was literally only 11 in the morning. Then I went to work and was running late so I went slowly through a stop sign (California stop) and I got pulled over. RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY PLACE OF WORK!!! The fact that not only was I getting a ticket AND late for work, no... that wasn't enough. To add insult to injury my boss came out and tried to talk the cop out of giving me a ticket but the cop was adamant that I "learn my lesson". I got the ticket.

Then I had to go to Heise- which, if you haven't been there, it smells something absolutely dreadful-sulfur hot springs. I had to carry one of my clients into the pool to play with her. As I was getting into the water, I slipped. With her in my arms. For a split second, thoughts of her falling and hurting something scared me to death. I caught myself and over corrected and she was okay. My leg didn't feel so hot though. That was pretty much the last straw of the day for me. I got one of my coworkers to hold her while I "went to the restroom" and bawled my eyes out. Needless to say, my day sucked. Now I have a ton of homework to do.

You may be wondering what this has to do with miracles. Part of me wants to tell you that it has nothing to do with miracles. God hated me today and just wanted me to suffer. That however, would be a lie. My miracle today was that I started feeling again. For the past few weeks it has seemed as though I have been numb. Walking through life with a blank stare and a fake smile. I could feel nothing. Not happiness. Not sadness. Numb. Today, I FELT something. At least to know that I am alive. That my soul hasn't completely collapsed into itself. Feeling hurt, upset, frustrated, embarrassed, terrified and overwhelmed is much better than feeling nothing. Believe me. What a miracle!

 

April 23rd- The Miracle of a Day Off

April 23, 2014

Today was my day off! Woot! Sadly though, I didn't get to really be lazy. I had lots of homework to do. I had class of course, but no work. So, that was nice. I honestly have nothing else to report other than it was nice to have a day off. What a miracle!

April 22nd-The Miracle of Ballet

April 22, 2014

Today I thought my ballet class was going to kill me. This class was so long and I haven't done ballet since before I left on my mission. I was REALLY rusty. My ballet teacher was so understanding and told me that it would take a while to get back to where I was but that it was possible! I am glad that she is my ballet teacher again.

It feels so good to get back on the floor and dance again. I mean, I have never stopped dancing, it's just different now. I forgot how much I love ballet. I have at least some hope for this semester! What a miracle!

April 21st- The Miracle of A Lot to Do

April 21, 2014

I started classes today. It was great! I also had work today. I realized that I am going to be SUPER busy this semester! I am really excited about that. I like to keep busy so that I forget about the bad stuff. My miracle today is that I got a lot accomplished. What a miracle!

April 20th- The Miracle of Friends

April 20, 2014

Today proved to be a beautiful day. I got to see and meet so many wonderful people. My friend Andrew came up and visited me. He and I have been friends for a very long time. We have seen each other through a lot of heartache and a lot of good. I thought that he came up to help me through some of my struggles. Turns out I need to be a little less selfish. When in all actuality, we were helping each other. Oddly enough, I think that is what friends are for.

I had the opportunity to see another friend today as well. Madeline. Do you remember her? She was yet again another miracle to me today as she told me of her battles. I am so blessed to have such wonderful people a part of my life. What a blessing! What a miracle!

April 19th- The Miracle of Easter

April 19, 2014

I saw lots of miracles today. A big one though is that I got to make Easter baskets for my roommates. I love Easter. I love what it represents. I went to bed tonight thanking my lucky stars for a Savior that loves me enough to lay down His life for me and for a Heavenly Father who would sacrifice His Son for the rest of mankind. I don't think I will be able to ever understand that kind of love but I hope to someday.

Before I went to sleep I watched a video about the Atonement of our Savior to really get in the mood for the holiday. Turns out, it was just what I needed. What a miracle!

If you haven't seen this video... watch it! It is SO good!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAuaSpJ7zGs&feature=player_embedded

April 18th-The Miracle of Being on Time

April 18, 2014

So you know how I had that little getaway? Well this morning I woke up with a start and had no idea where I was or what day it was. I know that I am not the only one who has had mornings like these. Rest assured, I found out where I was. To my misfortune however, I did not think about the time. I was at my sweet friend Christine's place and I took my sweet time talking to her when I should have been, I don't know... taking a shower or getting ready. But no, I was silly. So, when I did find out the time I said "screw the shower" (for the I-don't-want-to-admit-how-many time(s) this week) and I jetted out the door. Thankfully, I made it to work on time. I do however, look like death in high heels. Either way, I consider it a blessing! What a miracle!

April 17th- The Miracle of a Getaway

April 17, 2014

Today I woke up decided that I wanted a change. I wanted to be spontaneous. Usually when I get in moods like these I end up doing reckless things. This may or may not have been the case today. My decision was to go down to Provo to go dancing at one of my favorite salsa clubs this side of Vegas, "Salsa Chocolate".

So after work, I packed my things and set out to go to Utah for the night. After meeting up with a really good friend and dancing the night away, I felt rejuvenated. This was exactly what I needed. What a miracle!

April 16th- The Miracle of Being Busy

April 16, 2014

I have been on the run all day and I love it. Honestly, that is my miracle for the day. I had one job and then another. That was nice. I had to eat my lunch in the car on my way to the Missionary Mall. I love days like this where I don't even have time to think. What a miracle!

April 15th- The Miracle of a Gentleman

April 15, 2014

Well, today was an interesting day. I worked all day, so that was nice. After work, I decided to go grocery shopping because well, I was foodless and hungry. Which, by the way, is never a good idea. No one should ever go shopping while they are hungry.

While I was at the Market, I was strolling down aisles and not paying much attention to anything around me. I had been intent on checking the labels of everything I purchased so that I would be eating healthier. As I was putting something back, I dropped it and a bunch of it's friends with it on the floor. Before I knew it, an older gentleman crouched down and began picking them up for me. This should seem like not that big of a deal right? Sure. It was the statement of justification afterward that was the most intriguing thing. "No lady should have to bend down to lift something so heavy. Not when a man is present".

Okay all you feminist extremist, close your ears. It's not he didn't think I could lift it- it wasn't that heavy- it was the fact that he respected me enough to do it for me. Where have men like this gone? I have met some fine men in my day who would surely open a door for any woman but they seem so few and far between. When I investigated deeper to this issue I came across a website entitled, "The Art of Manliness". This website is amazing and says a lot about how to respect a woman. It also says a lot about how men should be respected as well, which I appreciated.

To the gentleman who treated me like a lady, thank you for being a man. I hope that there are more of men like you out there. What a miracle!

April 14th- The Miracle of Peace

April 14, 2014

Monday; The day that most people dread because it's the day that they have to go back to work. I dread it however, because I DON'T have to go to work. Monday is my least favorite day. I sat around and watched movies all day. Which, isn't necessarily a bad thing but it drives me nuts.

I won't bore you with droning on about laziness but I will tell you the miracle that happened. Today I got fed up with watching movies so I went for a walk around town. This town is a ghost town when it is break time! No one is here! As I walked it felt so eerie because no one was out on the streets and it was so dark and silent. After the initial weirdness, it actually started to feel very peaceful. It was quiet and so nice. What a miracle!

April 13th- The Miracle of Testimony

April 13, 2014

Today was Sunday and that was nice. I loved church. I was a bit lethargic during it though. Because everyone is out of town for the break, there was no one there and we had a combined meeting at 10. My miracle today was the testimony of two women from Ghana. They got up during our Sacrament meeting and told us of how they had been changed by knowing that Jesus Christ was our Savior and Redeemer. Their stories were inspiring and engaging. I am so grateful to have people like that to remind me of my own faith. What a miracle!

April 12th- The Miracle of a Place to Stay

April 12, 2014

Today has been an interesting day so far. I have been working all day and I haven't had the chance to sit down yet! Honestly, that is a miracle in and of itself but the real miracle today was finding out that I had a place to stay for the spring break.

The new apartment that I am moving into doesn't allow early move in's and the one I am moving from doesn't allow me to stay for the break if I am not staying for the following semester. I had quite an issue. It was probably something I should have worried about more but I decided a long time ago that I was just going to live one day at a time and take the issues as they come. I had backup plans but I was going to just ride this out and see how it goes.

Today as I was checking out, my manager said that if I wanted to she would "look the other way" so-to-speak so that I could stay there for the week. It was so nice! Sometimes, I don't know how I get through life without God's help. Then I realize, no one can. What a miracle!

April 11th- The Miracle of Darbi

April 11, 2014

Today was a bit depressing. I had to say goodbye to my roommate Darbi. She has been such a strength to me this semester. I kept myself busy most of the day but after she left I packed and pondered about the things I have learned from her.

Because of her, I was able to communicate my feelings better and find joy in life. She taught me how to laugh at life. She and her family were an inspiration to me about how to love and look out for one another. She was my miracle today. Because in reality, she was a miracle to me everyday. Today was just a stark reminder of that. I hope that I get to see her again soon. What a miracle!

April 10th- The Miracle of a Smile

April 10, 2014

Today was another interesting day. After working an incredibly long shift, I was asked to stay behind for an extra hour. A woman who is confined to a wheelchair gets picked up a little later than everyone else. While I wait for her ride I change her, give her medication and then we go for a "victory lap" around the building. This client's way of communicating is through a tablet that is on her chair. She has 4 buttons that say things like "more" and "yes" or "no". She is just getting used to this button pushing system so mostly she communicates through smiles or lack of smiles.

While I had been giving her food earlier, I had been talking to another worker and told them I was a dancer. This client smiled when I mentioned that I was a dancer, so when I lifted her onto the changing table I swung her around and danced with her a bit. I will tell you what, I have never seen a bigger, more genuine smile. That was the sweetest smile. It was all I needed today. What a miracle!

April 9th- The Miracle of a Beacon

April 9, 2014

Looking back on yesterday's post I realized that I really needed to be more positive on these things. I also found out that people actually read these... so there is that. I am supposed to see miracles right? How will I find them if I am stuck on my problems? That's right, random stranger reading my incredibly mundane blog, I won't!

On that note, I went forward with the day with squared shoulders and a determination that today miracles would not be wasted on blurred vision. I would see wonderful things and not be able to contain my wonderment from said things. Turns out, even a determined heart can't fight a problem with the mind.

I learned a saying today in Italian that goes, "Solvitur ambulando" which means, "all is solved by walking". I decided to put this to the test. I went for a walk. I walked for so long that I didn't realize how far I had gone. I had a lot that was going through my mind. I thought about the temple. I had gone their earlier today to find some answers for myself. As with anything in life, the more answers you get, the more questions you have. These questions mulled around in my mind and within a seemingly small amount of time, I was lost. I had no idea where I had gone. I looked around and didn't recognize anything. I didn't know where I had come from. I had zoned out so much that I actually had no perception of my surroundings.

The best part about this valley of Rexburg is that the temple can be seen from 10 miles out in any direction. It serves as a beacon or homing device for me sometimes. I tried to find the tallest thing I could and climb onto it so I could find the temple. I found a tree. It was fairly tall so I started climbing it. When I reached the top I saw the temple. It didn't take long to find it. The temple is my north star.

As I walked home I thought about the symbolism behind that. The whole purpose behind the temple is to point us to Jesus Christ. So, in essence the Savior was helping me find my way home. What a miracle!

 

April 8th- The Miracle of Surviving

April 8, 2014

Empty. Hollow. Useless. Inutile. Expendable. That is how I would describe my feelings of today. As hard as I tried to just square up my shoulders and put a smile on I still felt nothing. I felt as though I was just an object today. Just a lifeless body wasting space. I went to work. Went through the motions. Kept myself busy. Tried to forget. I even made one of my clients smile today who never smiles. I still felt empty.

My miracle for today is that I survived. I held on to what shred of hope I have left of tomorrow being a better day. If anything else, I can hope that tomorrow will be different. That my emotions wont envelop me yet again. I don't know how or where that hope comes from sometimes but I know it's there. I wouldn't be here if it weren't. What a miracle!

April 7th- The Miracle of Family Feud

April 7, 2014

Today has been a pretty normal Monday. Not much to report. I will say however, sometimes a good laugh is all you need. I didn't have work today so I went to the gym and then just kinda relaxed. My roommate Kami asked me to come watch a show with her. Turns out it was hilarious. Family Feud with Steve Harvey is actually really funny. Sometimes I think he is a bit of an over actor but hey, it's his job. I really needed that laugh today. What a miracle!

April 6th- The Miracle of a Back Scratch

April 6, 2014

Today was a great day. It started off with General Conference and that was full of inspiring words given by our prophet and apostles of today. After Conference however, I began to have another one of my really bad headaches. You know, the kind that blur your vision and all types of sounds hurt. So I laid my head down and tried to rest it off. My sweet roommate Darbi decided to start scratching my back so that I would relax a bit. That was the nicest thing ever today. Had she not shown such kindness and love I might have never gotten rid of that pesky headache. What a miracle!