May 26th- The Miracle of Andy

May 26, 2014

Today was my first real day off in quite a while. It was nice. I got to go hiking. I love hiking so much. It was a little hike but it was still enough to enjoy the trees, open air and all the scenery.

The only problem was that the person I was with didn't really help me with my adverse feelings of myself. In fact, for the past couple days, I have been feeling quite low. Some men just don't know what respect is. Either that, or I am just not worth respecting. Which is a probable case.

When I got home tonight I was feeling so empty, disheartened and down. So much so, that I textualized a friend of mine only to realize that I had sent it to the wrong person. In trying to send it to my friend, Angela, I sent a plea of comfort to my friend, Andy. I haven't seen Andy in quite some time. The idea that him getting this information was just unbearable. Notwithstanding my reassurances that I would be fine, he came over to comfort me anyway.

As opposed to it as I was, his stubbornness was what saved me tonight. He hugged me and told me everything would be okay. I knew it would be but the reminder was nice. It's nice to know that I have friends out there who care enough to drop anything to help me. What a miracle!

May 25th- The Miracle of Hope

May 25, 2014

Today was so nice. Church is always so amazing and fills me with the drive and passion to move forward and not look back. I have lots of things I need to change about myself. Thankfully, I was reminded today that I can still get there. Hope is not lost. What a miracle!

May 24th- The Miracle of Nature

May 24, 2014

I won't lie to you, today was a weird day. It was one of those days that you just wake up in the morning and have a certain feeling that it's going to be a bad day. Well, when feelings like that occur for me, it is hard to look past them. Nevertheless, I tried anyway.

The crowning moment of today was on a picnic in St. Anthony. There is a beautiful park there just by the snake river. It was beautiful. Sitting there in the beautiful sun and feeling the gentle breeze was beyond description. You just can't recreate beauty like that. There is something so calming and warm about nature. I believe it is God's way of reminding us that He loves us very much. What a miracle!

May 23rd- The Miracle of Ballroom

May 23, 2014

Today was actually really nice. Latin dancing was cancelled bevause all of the instructors were gone for the weekend. LAME. So instead I got to go to ballroom. It was really nice. I missed dancing with good dancers and it helped me feel more confident. What a miracle!

May 22nd- The Miracle of Allergies

May 22, 2014

Well, today was a day. I had so much to do and NO time at all. Today we went to Hiesee, that sulfur springs I talked about before. It was a crazy time! As it turns out, I am allergic to the sulfur in the water there! I had no idea!

While we were "playing" in the water, I was holding my client. Out of nowhere I got this terrible headache. It was so bad that I couldn't see. I didn't understand why I was hurting so badly so suddenly. Well, I figured it out! I had an allergic reaction to the water. I am just amazed that it didn't do anything worse to me! I could have died! What a miracle!

May 21st- The Miracle of Silliness

May 21, 2014

Today was an interesting day. After Lacrosse practice, I took a teammate over to her friend's football game. It was raining and the wind was crazy. While we waited, she asked if I wanted to go out and play in the rain. To which, I of course said yes!

Today's miracle is that I got to run around and be silly in the rain. I loved it very much. What a miracle!

May 20th- The Miracle of a "Thing"

May 20, 2014

Well friends, it's been a while. Almost a week in fact. Fear not, I have seen miracles. The problem has been that I have been so busy and so depressed that I just haven't gotten around to it. But I am back. Don't you worry.

Today's miracle is brought to you in part by scheduling-it's a beautiful thing. Tuesday's and Thursday's are particularly busy for me because I have so much to do and so little time! I have to plan everything out by the hour so that I am not late for anything and I don't miss anything. I love it. I love the structure.

However, after a while, it is physically draining. Today I showed up to my last appointment for the day completely drained. It had been a hard day at work, hard time in class and I was ready to go home, eat something and finish homework. My counselor apologized upon entering saying that he had to cut it short because he had a "thing" he had to take care of. As cryptic and intriguing as that sounded, I didn't ask questions. I was just thrilled that I had some more time in my day. It gave me a bit more time to eat and do homework! So that was nice. The end. What a miracle!

May 14th- The Miracle of Numbness

May 14, 2014

I could say a lot of things about today but I won't. It just seems like I keep having hard days. I just wanna be happy again. Sigh... Anyway, I am NOT here to complain!

Today, I skipped Lacrosse practice and took a much needed nap because I didn't have work. When I woke up I got the incredible urge to go to the temple and invite an old friend of mine to come with. It turned out to be a great idea. When is the temple ever a bad idea though?

When I left the temple, there was no bad feelings, no good feelings either. I just felt sorta numb. Which was pretty nice for right now. I know I posted a while back about wanting to feel something, and now I am talking about numbness. I know, I'm such a flip-flopper! In all reality though.. I really just don't know what I want. I just know it's not what I have now. I am really glad I have a temple here though. What a miracle!

 

May 13th- The Miracle of No Bad Days

May 13, 2014

It's been a rough one today. I don't know why necessarily but I don't like today and I want it to be over soon! This morning I went to Ballet class and yet again felt crushed. I hate to compare myself to others but, I do it so well that I don't even realize I am doing it. I used to be so much better at ballet.... you think I would have gotten back into it by now! Anyway, the epitome of my frustration was in the fact that I just couldn't do anything well enough. I got out of class feeling like the scum of the Earth and just wanted to give up.

By the time I got to work, I was still emotionally frustrated with myself. I knew that dwelling so much on my own issues was selfish and self destructive, so I pushed it all away and attended to my duties at work. We got to go to the "Roxy Theatre" in St. Anthony. It is an old worn down theatre that I am sure has been there forever. We brought our own movie and watched it on the big screen. When we finished, I helped load people into the vans and was trying to get people to move faster and still have fun. I started to act ridiculous so that they would laugh at me. They exceeded my expectation. One of them said to me, "Katie B, why are you so crazy?!" To which I explained that I like making them laugh  cause it makes me happy and "I like being crazy." One of my clients said, "you never have a bad day do you?" That made me really happy. I'm so glad I was able to just push aside my own issues and help them have a good time. What a miracle!

May 12th- The Miracle of Flowers

May 12, 2014

Today was a long day. The usual, I suppose. I had class, work, Lacrosse practice, FHE and then off to homework. It was a bit overwhelming but I found strength in the fact that I was able to keep busy.

While at work today I took some of my clients to a nursery that I didn't know existed in this town! We went and got to look at the beautiful flowers. There is just something about being enveloped in God's creations that gives me a certain sense of belonging and peace. It's my inner "flower-child" coming out. Anyway, that was my miracle for today. What a miracle!

May 11th- The Miracle of My Mamas

May 11, 2014

Today being Mother's Day I have decided to ponder on the many "Mothers" in my life. Women who have helped raise me into the person I am today. My own mother was and still is quite the example to me. She has had a bit of a rough go at life. Still she managed to keep us kids all alive. One thing I admire about my mother the most is her ability to listen. She would make a great counselor. She is someone that is a great sounding board. My siblings and I go to her for advice or just for a listening ear.

I remember when I was little, we had a LOT of different kinds of people come through our home for various reasons... We still do but I digress. This one particular night I remember a girl who was my sister's friend coming to talk to my mom. She was just in high school and my mom talked her out of committing suicide. Now, this is not an isolated incident with Mama Blood. People know her and love her for the person she is. After my sister's friend came out of that room she told me what a great person my mother was. "Never forget to tell her how much you love her. She saved my life today. Respect that woman until the day you die". I remember that so clearly because I was at the age where I didn't respect parents very much. I took it to heart as I saw so many people come in and out of her room feeling much better about life.

Mama Blood is not the only mother I have. There have been women in my life who have taken me under their wing and I love them so much for it. I don't know where I would be with out you but I thank you. Motherhood is such an amazing blessing. Thank you all for your nurturing, kindness and love for me and everyone else. God blessed you each to be women of influence. He trusted you to be my mother. What a miracle!

May 10th- The Miracle of Gossip

May 10, 2014

There isn't much to mention about today. I worked all day long. Sometimes it is freeing for me to work so much and to stay so busy. So... There is that! But today was a bit different. I am usually one to not say much about things but this is pretty much my only "outlet". So, bare with me.

I teach a class at a studio in Idaho Falls as a side job for fun. Today, when I got to this class I found out that some local people were outraged at this class and have said and written things about how bad of a person I am. I know, I thought the people who told me were joking too. Turns out, I was wrong. They were serious. I couldn't believe the hypocrisy that was abounding. I mean, I don't go around saying I am a saint at all but this was just ridiculous.

I know what you are thinking, "Where is the miracle here? I don't even know what she is talking about"! Don't you worry baby birds, I'll feed you. You know how people say "sometimes any publicity is good publicity"? Well, they are SO right! Even though I got terrible reviews- on my character not on my class- I got 3 new people to join my class! They told me they had no idea about it until they read the article! So they wanted to come and check it out!

So to you random stranger who hates my guts, is raising up some kind of "army" against me but doesn't know me in the slightest, I say unto you "Neener, neener"! You are my miracle for today! What a miracle!

May 9th- The Miracle of Strangers

May 9, 2014

Today was weird. It wasn't like usual Fridays. There was no Latin dancing tonight so I felt a bit lost. I went to my Jazz class this morning and my teacher wasn't there. She had to go to a wedding. So our class was taught by a Zumba instructor. Now, don't get me wrong, I like Zumba. I just wasn't in the mood for it today. Well, I wasn't in the mood for much today.

After signing in and staying for a few dances, I felt so apathetic that I went into the locker rooms and just sat there in a curled up ball. I don't know what I was thinking or why I was doing what I was doing. Nevertheless, I was zoned out. My mind was gone. A blank canvas. Na.. that sounds too artsy and vulnerable. My mind was more of an abyss.

That is when a girl came in. I don't know her name. I don't know anything about her. She came in, started changing then noticed me in the corner. She didn't say a word. Only came up to me and hugged me. It was the most random thing I had ever experienced. At first it was awkward. I was curled up in a ball. That didn't create the best angle for hugging. Nevertheless, I felt a bit better after that.

So to you, random stranger, thank you. You are my miracle. What a miracle!

May 8th- The Miracle of Prayer

May 8, 2014

Well, it finally happened! I found my keys. I feel like an idiot though because they were in my center consil this whole time. Sigh. But! Prayer works! I have been praying for so long (since saturday) that I might find them and viola! I found them! What a miracle!